Healing from Loss of a Baby by Kate White, PPNE, BCST, LMT
Loss of a baby, either to miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, or twin loss (embryologists estimate that 30 to 80 percent of us were conceived with a twin) is hard on the mother, no matter what. Children conceived after these occurrences are sensitive to these losses. Parents, especially mothers, are encouraged to grieve these losses and pray for the babies who never were born.
If you wonder whether you have lost a child or a sibling, you can ask the following questions. Because there could be many other explanations for “Yes” answers, they are only clues to the possible loss of a baby and not definite proof.
Questions you can ask to discover if you have lost a child or a sibling:
· Mother: Did you experience any unexplained bleeding at a time when you were pregnant or could have conceived?
· Have you had cysts, tumors, fibroids and/or other growths in your reproductive organs? (When miscarriages occur early in pregnancy, there is often an unconscious attempt to hold on to a lost child, even though the mother may be unaware of the loss. In several cases, tumors or cysts have been removed that contained hair follicles, bone cells, and other biological material from a miscarried child.)
· Mother or Father: Did you have repetitive dreams about loss during a time when the mother may have been pregnant?
· Did you have any imaginary playmates whom you insisted were real?
· Do you have repetitive dreams of someone you long for?
· Are your intimate relationships unsatisfactory, as if you are always searching for someone who does not exist? (This is sometimes acted out in the form of compulsive sexual behavior.)
· Do you have unexplained survivor’s guilt (guilt about being alive while others die)?
· Do you have an unexplained fear of death (perhaps because a sibling died)?
Meditation for Healing Loss
This meditation is for the loss of one’s own child through miscarriage, abortion or stillbirth. It can also be completed for children who died shortly after birth. The healing that results can affect all the child’s surviving brothers and sisters. This meditation can also be done by the one who has lost a sibling such as a twin or from a pregnancy that occurred before or after one’s own birth.
1. Light a candle, close your eyes and breathe deeply.
2. Recall a moment in your life when you knew how much you were loved. Breathe this love into yourself once again.
3. Get in touch with your feelings regarding the baby you lost (love, sadness, longing, grief, guilt, anger, curiosity, etc.)
4. See someone you love standing before you, holding you child or your sibling and offering him or her to you. Open your arms and receive the child. Say to and do with the child all that your heart has always longed to say or do, and let the child do the same for you.
5. Ask what name he, she or them wishes to be called. Is there a ceremony you might perform to welcome and bless this child? If so, what is it?
6. Talk over with the child how you can continue to give and receive love with each other. How do you want the child to be remembered by you and your family? How does the child want you to remember him, her or them?
7. When you are ready, place the child in the arms of the loving person who gave him or her to you. See that, instead of walking away from you, they walk toward you, right into your heart. Feel their warm presence as they make their home in your heart. Breathe deeply, allowing that warmth to fill your whole body.
Healing Actions for Oneself:
1. Go to one of your favorite places, where you feel the most able to give and receive love. In your spirit, invite the lost child to accompany you. Share with him or her why this place means so much to you.
2. Ask yourself whom you would want as godparents for the lost child. Tell the child why you have chosen these people as godparents. Visit these people, and in your spirit bring the child with you. Invite the godparents to pray with you for the lost child and to bless him or her.